I'm a Mom of 2 daughters (one strong willed and underneath anxious/vulnerable the other a helper/pleaser). I've known my husband since I was 16. I love to explore new places and adventure in nature.
I feel called to this work of sharing my experience of how to be a more conscious woman, so I can be a more conscious person. I can't give what I don't have as Brene Brown says.
I am a recovering perfectionist, overachiever, hyper-responsible, Super-Doer who learned to hustle for my worth by being capable and good. That's my protective armor. I learned to repress or rationalize to avoid feeling anger, shame, embarrassment, uncertain, scared, vulnerable...
But then I had kids and them being their normal, exuberant, wild, unpredictable, uncooperative selves triggered me. Their emotions triggered me. They messed up the house and my well managed plans.
They triggered old unprocessed pain from my childhood and all the 'shoulds' and 'supposed to's' I'd learned. Like I shouldn't waste food, I shouldn't waste water, I shouldn't waste ANYTHING - that was wrong!
Or I should be quiet, respectful and polite to adults ALWAYS. I should work hard and get good grades. I shouldn't hit my brother. I should strive to get the right answer, to do it right. To avoid my parents' version of wrong.
This makes some sense, but where is the emotional validation? Where is the modeling and asking about my needs and my inner Life?
Where is my parents owning their own feelings and needs rather than hiding it all under 'supposed to's' and 'shoulds' or blame and yelling?!?
This journey we are on is to slow down enough to notice our body's sensations and wisdom. To grow our sense of safety and empowerment to begin to open, attempt to let go of our protective habits. To try, at a sloths pace, to play with vulnerability. To invite ourselves to want to want to feel one emotion at a time.
To start reclaiming our emotional intelligence that guides us to connect with and live from our values energy. To center around our worthiness. To re-grow our self acceptance with compassion. To prioritize meeting our needs, rather than on how we look and are perceived.
From here we can see the stories we tell ourself. We can let down our armor, and own our whole inner experience. All our parts, all our feelings, not just the ones that weren't shamed early on. We can live free.
From here we can STOP unintentionally offloading our emotions on to those we love. STOP reacting defensively. STOP pretending we are fine and living behind protective armor.
This breaks the cycle so we can connect with our kids.
Deeply, with our raw and real heart, understand and relate with their raw and real heart.
It's what we yearn for.
It's what they yearn for: to be seen, heard and accepted just as they are.
We start together today.