It was a rainy Sunday. I asked my girls, 5 and 7 to cooperate. I hadn't gotten a work out in days and felt congested with a sinus cold. My daughters started fighting over who got to go first in their game. I was trying to get lunch ready and my project finished. Next they started arguing about what we were going to do after lunch, they each wanted to get their way. The phone rang and instead of being quite and letting me talk as we’d worked on, my oldest interrupted me, then grabbed some glasses she wasn’t supposed to touch. The last straw was when she pushed her sister down who screamed and started crying. I quickly ended my call in embarrassment and frustration.
I yelled, “STOP IT!” My oldest yelled back, "It was her fault!!" I grabbed her arm roughly, enraged and past any sense. I separated them and then walked into the kitchen to give myself some space. I was hot all over, and vibrating with upset! Damn it!
Help! Body Scan = a Life Preserver. OK - My heart is beating like it wants to fly out of my chest. I'm breathing as if I just sprinted. I'm enraged! There is pressure, like a weight on my lungs; I can't get a deep breath. My jaw is clenched and my throat feels constricted. Whew. It feels good just to be more aware and less TRAPPED IN my Reaction!
OK now, how can I use the 5 Steps to Become the CEO of my Reactions? Well, I am reacting alright!
Let's see...C-Care and Compassion to give myself support.
I start taking deeper breaths. I massage my hands with nice smelling soap as I wash them in hot water, soothing and being kind to myself. I broadcast out loud, “This is hard. I lost it out there. I HATE that! But I haven’t had a break andI don’t feel well. The girls want endless attention…each at the same time. I get so frustrated when they fight and don't cooperate! This feels so hard right now. How can I give myself Care and Compassion right now? Hmmm. Maybe I could put on music I love and dance around the room?
While I'm dancing, I can E-Experience my Emotions to move however I want, and experience my frustration and anger! I have all of this energy coursing through me - I need to allow and move it, not stuff it! Maybe my girls need that too.
After we move to music, I'll feel more centered and able to connect with them. Then maybe they’ll be able to play together without fighting and I’ll be able to journal so I can try the next step, the O-Owning and seeing my thoughts. That’s a harder one for me. I get so fixed on getting things done being in control. Whenever they resist we get in this miserable power struggle. Yuck. I am convinced... they are testing me and defying my authority. I am telling myself... they ‘should’ be able to be quite and play well together when I ask. I am really believing...this should be easier and more enjoyable. Those thoughts are just making me more miserable. They are coming from a place of scarcity and lack and aren't even my deepest truth.
Can I imagine abundance, the limitless energy from connecting to values...what would that be like? Hmm, what am I really yearning for? I guess for ease. For sure to be seen about how hard I'm trying to do this mothering-thing well. And for fun! If I had a magic wand, I would take all of my chores away for an hour so we could just be silly and play. Just imagining that makes me feel better. I guess what I really want is to connect with them.
I think I’ll go check in with them and own my part. I was over tired and not at my best. Things inside me got triggered. I’ll let my oldest know I wish I hadn’t grabbed her like that and be sure she’s OK. She may have been scared. Now I can L-Listen with Love and without fixing or judging; validate their feelings. “It’s never too late to make a repair once I’m a CEO.”
Tonight at dinner, if I'm still a CEO and in a good centered place, I'll L-Limit set by explaining why our phone rules are so important so I can hear important messages from their teacher and make plans for our summer.