SINGLE POST

How are you...? (OK, but how are you really?)

How are you? I ask this as an honest question, not just a social pleasantry. Too often we are in autopilot and automatically say, "Fine. Good. You?" But it's important to not go through life in autopilot so we can be present. We can't connect from autopilot.


So how are you really? Right now. I invite you to close your eyes and check in with yourself. Sense in to your body, your heart, your gut. How are you experiencing your raw and real self in this moment?


I've been checking in with myself and have been in a bit of a fog. After hearing the news of complete remission for my daughter's cancer and the very next day launching my both daughters away to college in another city 11 hours away, I'm still reeling from the massive changes. These past 7 months were so intense, supporting my oldest face cancer treatments that I've been feeling a lot of conflicting emotions.

  • Uncertain about what just happened.

  • Relief that the health danger is over.

  • Mixed up about going from 110% 'on' and in tiger-mode facing a crisis to... not.

  • Lost from not fully processed, deeply repressed fear I'd stuffed so I could be strong and make important decisions.

  • Sad that my girls aren't around any more.

  • Hopeful for this next chapter of my life.

  • Excited to have dedicated office space again instead of a laundry room or corner of our bedroom.

  • Ashamed that I can't get my head back on straight.

  • Happy that I can feel all this as 10 years ago I would have been stuck in my head and gone to old patterns of over-doing, comparing, and rationalizing to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

I find I go back and forth between 3 general states: autopilot/doing mindset, triggered/reaction mindset and centered/present mindset. I need all 3 as they are all meeting needs, so the challenge is being in choice, instead of at the mercy of them.


Now that I have my time to myself back, I want to communicate more about skills and tips for how to live in choice and awareness, especially while parenting.


Using the 5 Steps To Connect Framework gives me the best shot I know of to connect with my myself so I can connect with others in my life. When at least I know I'm in autopilot or reaction, I can name it and own it so I don't get hooked and hook others into a pain cycle. This framework is the support I need to choose connection parenting. It may be messy. It may be uncomfortable at times, but it's real and brimming with life.

So sometime today, pause and ask: 'Where am I? Which mindset?


Pro tip: to start knowing, be curious about sensations in your body, your heart, your gut.

In partnership,

Allison

​© 2015 5 Steps To Connect