One of the biggest mistakes the parents and educators I work with make with their kids is unintentionally talking them out of their emotions. Especially ones like anger, anxiety and hurt. They do this thinking they are helping them feel better. Here's a recent example.
Daughter: I'm so stressed. My friends aren't helping with the project and I'm ending up having to run around and do everything plus pay for the supplies.
Mom: Oh, no reason to stress over that. Why don't you keep a tab and be sure they pay you back, even add on extra for all your time and effort?
Daughter: And Ruby and Elise are talking behind my back and have all of these inside jokes. I feel left out. When they do talk to me it's gushing about their new boyfriends and that hurts too since I don't have one.
Mom: They sound mean. Don't feel bad. You should look for new friends who treat you better. Why don't you go hang out with Carrie instead?
The Mom is trying to help, but these old patterns of relating and getting her daughter to feel better miss the mark. What you can do is below:
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