Seeing The Unmet Needs Underneath
Their Anger And Defiance
By their very nature, spirited and passionate children (AKA stubborn, defiant) are afraid of being controlled. They hate to be told what to do. Unfortunately, their instinctive strong willed nature drives us, the parents, into conflict when using traditional parenting methods, which is that the parent should be in control.
When you realize this is their nature, you can notice two things about their behavior:
1) How often and how easy it is to interpret it as defiance or disrespect.
2) That there may be more to the story when you consider unmet needs and that their anger is covering up their fear of being controlled.
With this new mindset of nature v. willful 'bad behavior' you can more easily see their beautiful complexity. Their independence. Their yearning to be seen, heard, respected and valued. That they are perfect just the way they are.
With this mindset and these skills you are empowered! You can crack the code of how not to trigger each other and how not to take their behavior personally. You bring harmony into your parenting style and home.