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Why is Heart Connection so Illusive?

Like dolphins in the ocean, I experience Heart Connection as illusive. Heart Connection is when I feel in tune with the present moment, my feelings, the energy of my values; I don't need to change anything, I can accept life as it is. I yearn for this sense of connection to be present all the time, yet it remains just out of reach. Why?

Most of the time I live in what I call "manager mode." I am constantly thinking and evaluating, making my life as efficient and effective as possible. I am fully operating from the Left/logical side of my brain. This is the Egoic O/S realm and is very strong and competent.

However, this is not a very satisfying way to live. There is not much connection in this mode. Yes, it feels safe, comfortable, and gets stuff done. Performs great at work and grocery shopping. But what about with my daughters? With my husband? My Mom? Definitely falls short. I manage them, tell them what to do so they can also be safe and comfortable. Yet, I don't feel connected to myself nor to them. I go into "Nelly-the-Nag" mode, for example, during dinner prep time when I'm tired and hungry, feeling alone, wanting partnership and support, but kids are busy doing homework. How can I do this dance differently?

I've found I can reach heart connection via a "side door." I know I can't connect via my rational mind, my logical Left Brain. I can't think my way into it. The best way I've found is to close my eyes, slow down and imagine one of my daughters when she was young. Or hum a song that makes me feel, like Beneath Your Beautiful or Read All About It by Emeli Sande or Brave by Sara Barellis or He Lives In Me, Lion King II, even Eminem - Love The Way You Lie. Sometimes I move to this music in random ways, just making it up as I go. Or I listen to Gregorian chant. Read a poem. Walk or stand in nature, noticing birds or due drops until my to do list ceases and I can just be.

What is your way?

Have you found Heart Connection?


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