Real Connection supports us create a joyful home. We all want this so what are the key ingredients and why don't we do it more often? (See video on creating connection below)
Connection is a skill, and not one that was modeled for me growing up (because it wasn't modeled for my parents, nor their parents and so on) so I had to learn it the hard way (by not knowing how and inadvertently doing the opposite: not slowing down enough to be in the moment at hand without thoughts and tasks competing for attention.)
Connection is a time to see, hear and accept their experience. To let them know they matter and their experience is valid.
So if it is so important and we want it so much, why is it hard to do?
Mostly because we get in a 'doing/logistics' mindset. We are busy and serious. It's not easy to shift gears, stop and notice when we are in a controlling, managing, doing mindset. It feels 'normal'.
When we are in a 'doing' mindset, it's OK and no reason to beat ourselves up. But know that there is armor up separating us and we can't connect from here.
When you are able to stop your thoughts and tasks and pause 'getting things done' mindset, you can start 'RELATIONSHIP' mindset.
We need to be in 'RELATIONSHIP' mindset to connect with each other.
Too often we don't realize we're in 'DOING/LOGISTICS' when trying to connect, and get frustrated that it doesn't happen more easily.
The 3 key ingredients to 'RELATIONSHIP' mindset so we can connect are:
1) 100% attention.
2) No expectations
3) Permission
Using these three ingredients, connect to THIS moment. Connect to yourself. Connect to THIS child. In fact, we can't connect any other way. This is explained in more detail in the VIDEO here or below.
Changing mindsets from 'Doing' to 'Relationship' isn't easy and why we find communities like the Real Peace Place. For more info if you are looking for this kind of encouraging support, explore HERE.
Challenge for the week: Stop, use the 3 ingredients to shift from 'Doing' to 'Relationship' mindset. Now CONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD. Practice this for 10 minutes everyday for a week and see the difference it makes.
Bonus: CONNECT WITH YOURSELF once a day for 10 minutes everyday for a week and see the difference you feel. Stop, use the 3 ingredients to shift from 'Doing' to 'Relationship' mindset. Now be, unproductive, giving thinking mind a break, listen, feel, smell...ahhhh!
Are you yelling and feeling more frustrated than you'd like? I specialize in families with a strong willed, inflexible, 'disrespectful,' spirited child who gets triggered when told what to do or trying new things/transitions (Enneagram Challenger nature.)
Want additional support for the dynamics happening in your family right now?
Set up a free 15 minute discovery call to see if the 5 session 1:1 Surviving to Thriving coaching program or joining The Real Peace Place membership will be just what your family needs to bring more joy and peace to your home.
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