This week is about what to do when in the middle of a Reaction, when stressed, anxious. We are likely to lash out and shame or hurt the ones we love. Use these tools to re-connect to the Still Waters that are always running deep within us. The practice is to parent from worthy, whole and enough and not fear, anxiety, and lack.
Becoming a Still Pond is not easy. We have unconscious protective habits of wanting to control our kids to keep them safe. This comes out as telling and blaming when things aren't going as we want; like when we are late.
The key is to notice our thoughts are spinning out in the future, stuck in reaction, convinced if we are vigilant and worry anticipating every possible thing that could go wrong, it will contribute to our safety. For example, when we are trying to get out the door and to be on time, we focus on imagining the dire consequences that will happen if we aren't such as we'll be judged, get disapproving looks, be shamed, let others down, miss something crucial. But this is all fiction as non of it has happened or even for sure will happen. It is in our minds. In the moment we are getting ready and unconsciously choosing to creating additional stress thoughts.
Exercise to be less reactive:
The best way I've found to stop anxious spin out is to do a quick body scan, noticing tightness and sensations in my body. This gets me out of my head (unconsciously choosing to creating additional stress thoughts) and into the present moment. Pause and from head to tow slowly notice any body sensations. This can feel silly, but tuning into my body brings me out of my thoughts and back to now. The tightness or ease I feel tells me about my emotional energy and if I'm connected to my values.
This is counter intuitive work as we are trying to be with something we were conditioned to avoid: stress and anxiety. Not easy! Uncomfortable!
Why do this??!!
The secret and compelling reason to agree to experience uncomfortable feelings like stress and anxiousness is that it gives us vital information about what is most important, what we value. Connecting to and living from our values (rather than resisting feeling discomfort) unleashes incredible energy and a feeling of aliveness!
The challenge is that most of these reactions are unconscious so it is hard to even notice we are in a story spin cycle and reacting in the first place. We are just in it!
So the next time you are stressed and anxious...try a Body Scan.
There is no way to do it wrong.
Practice this week! Report back with a comment by the end of today how it goes, Email me!
Join our community of parents with a strong willed child to build harmony and connection by owning and processing our reactions, hard emotions, times we are upset.
We all get triggered by life's situations and react! What could our lives be like if we could transform conflict into connection and stop directing our reactions AT our children and partners?
What if we could not take our strong willed child's reactions personally, knowing they are about them and not us? We can learn to minimize shame, blame and labeling and respond with curiosity and understanding. We have freedom when we relate to what 'is' with acceptance and not resistance. From this centered place we can then deeply listen and set limits. Who doesn't want more peace, ease and connection? Join together with others who have strong willed children, we don't have to do this alone.
Emotional Well-being Series on FB Live each Monday and Friday at 2pm and recorded in videos.